Enneagram Type 3 Achievers/Motivators are typically energetic, optimistic, self-assured and goal-oriented. Here we explore the compatibility of an Enneagram Type 3 with a Type 3 and what the relationship looks like when it is in balance and when it starts to spiral downward.
Enneagram Type 3:3 When In Balance
Two Achiever (3)s are hard-working, goal-oriented, high energy with a focus on practical, concrete issues. This is an accomplished, motivating, often charismatic couple with an outward facing focus. Both understand one another’s competitive nature, desire to be the best (in whichever category they have placed themselves) and focus on efficiency and accomplishment. When in balance, this couple is highly supportive of each other’s efforts and can become one another’s best cheerleader. As they have the energy, drive, focus and ambition to overcome many obstacles, this couple is almost unstoppable when they are aligned in their goals. Both strive for a low drama, low conflict environment. With their shared habit of attention, the issue of workaholism may have less of a sting as both partners understand the drive to be achieving constantly.
Together this is an impressive, polished, supportive and loving couple. Demands from the outside world take priority over demands within the relationship, freeing both partners to focus on external achievement. This couple is admired by many.
Enneagram Type 3:3 The Downward Spiral
As long as the Achiever (3) couple is balanced and aligned, they are highly supportive of one another’s goals. They admire and feel pride in their partner’s accomplishments and understand each other’s drive to achieve. If their goals fall out of alignment, however, problems arise. Support may be withdrawn. An unhealthy competitive edge may enter the relationship, and resentment may start to build. Thus begins the downward spiral.
Both partners can be competitive and petty comparisons may arise: salaries, titles, prestige and so forth. The foundation of support erodes to one of one-upmanship. Alternatively, when their goals are unaligned, one or both partners may start to grow resentful of time away from their quest to achieve. Compromise doesn’t come easily to Achiever (3)s particularly if their goal is at risk. Time invested in the relationship can feel like a waste of time particularly if they start to feel the relationship cannot be a clear success. In this environment, emotional connection is lost.
It can be hard for Achiever (3)s to know their true feelings. The drive to achieve is so strong in both of them that self-reflection and emotional processing are often bypassed. They can metaphorically put their emotions in a box to be dealt with later. Generally, neither are particularly fluent in the language of emotion. They may see strong feelings as a potential source of shame, humiliation, failure or rejection as well as a distraction from work. In this environment, intimacy suffers, and one or both partners may start to feel isolated and lonely. As image is important to both, externally this couple may continue to impress, but behind closed doors, there can be a disconnect and sadness. If the downward momentum continues, alienation intensifies until the relationship drifts so far apart, it eventually ends.
Learn more about the Enneagram Compatibility of Type 3s in relationships with Type 3s
Enneagram knowledge can be transformative in improving your relationships and an important tool in cultivating compassion, both towards yourself and others. In my book, “The Nine Keys: A Guide Book to Unlock Your Relationships Using Kundalini Yoga and the Enneagram” I explore intimate relationships through the lens of the Enneagram.
The Nine Keys
The Nine Keys is the essential encyclopedia of the Enneagram in relationships. This book contains Enneagram relationship theory for all 45 type combinations as well as personal testimonials all 81 relationship perspectives. Drawing on over 1,500 years of relationship experience from over 100 couples from around the world, the descriptions and testimonials are instructive, uplifting, cautionary, and sometimes scary and humorous – all real, all good. Browse the entire book here.
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- Read more: Achiever (3)s talking about their relationships with their Achiever (3) at page 144
- Read more: Kundalini Yoga kriyas and meditations for Achiever (3)s at page 454