Enneagram Compatibility: Achiever Type 3 with Achiever Type 3

Enneagram Type 3 Achievers/Motivators are typically energetic, optimistic, self-assured and goal-oriented. Here we explore the compatibility of an Enneagram Type 3 with a Type 3 and what the relationship looks like when it is in balance and when it starts to spiral downward.


Enneagram Type 3:3 When In Balance

Two Achiever (3)s are hard-working, goal-oriented, high energy with a focus on practical, concrete issues. This is an accomplished, motivating, often charismatic couple with an outward facing focus. Both understand one another’s competitive nature, desire to be the best (in whichever category they have placed themselves) and focus on efficiency and accomplishment. When in balance, this couple is highly supportive of each other’s efforts and can become one another’s best cheerleader. As they have the energy, drive, focus and ambition to overcome many obstacles, this couple is almost unstoppable when they are aligned in their goals. Both strive for a low drama, low conflict environment. With their shared habit of attention, the issue of workaholism may have less of a sting as both partners understand the drive to be achieving constantly.

Together this is an impressive, polished, supportive and loving couple. Demands from the outside world take priority over demands within the relationship, freeing both partners to focus on external achievement. This couple is admired by many.


Enneagram Type 3:3 The Downward Spiral

As long as the Achiever (3) couple is balanced and aligned, they are highly supportive of one another’s goals. They admire and feel pride in their partner’s accomplishments and understand each other’s drive to achieve. If their goals fall out of alignment, however, problems arise. Support may be withdrawn. An unhealthy competitive edge may enter the relationship, and resentment may start to build. Thus begins the downward spiral.

Both partners can be competitive and petty comparisons may arise: salaries, titles, prestige and so forth. The foundation of support erodes to one of one-upmanship. Alternatively, when their goals are unaligned, one or both partners may start to grow resentful of time away from their quest to achieve. Compromise doesn’t come easily to Achiever (3)s particularly if their goal is at risk. Time invested in the relationship can feel like a waste of time particularly if they start to feel the relationship cannot be a clear success. In this environment, emotional connection is lost.

It can be hard for Achiever (3)s to know their true feelings. The drive to achieve is so strong in both of them that self-reflection and emotional processing are often bypassed. They can metaphorically put their emotions in a box to be dealt with later. Generally, neither are particularly fluent in the language of emotion. They may see strong feelings as a potential source of shame, humiliation, failure or rejection as well as a distraction from work. In this environment, intimacy suffers, and one or both partners may start to feel isolated and lonely. As image is important to both, externally this couple may continue to impress, but behind closed doors, there can be a disconnect and sadness. If the downward momentum continues, alienation intensifies until the relationship drifts so far apart, it eventually ends.


Learn more about the Enneagram Compatibility of Type 3s in relationships with Type 3s

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The Nine Keys book cover

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Further Reading

Return to the Enneagram Compatibility Chart.

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