Enneagram Type 3 Achievers/Motivators are typically energetic, optimistic, self-assured and goal-oriented. Enneagram Type 5 Observers/Thinkers/Investigators are typically introverted, curious, analytical and insightful. Here we explore the compatibility of an Enneagram Type 3 with a Type 5 and what the relationship looks like when it is in balance and when it starts to spiral downward.
Enneagram Type 3:5 When In Balance
The Achiever (3) and Investigator (5) share many core values and interests though their habit of attention is quite different. Both are interested in intellectual pursuits, gaining knowledge and expertise and becoming well-regarded in their chosen fields. Both value discipline and are willing to work hard. They seek to make a positive impact on the world. Both tend to be emotionally contained and while they may feel things deeply, this rarely conflicts with their pursuit of tangible, concrete goals. Beneath it all, there is a practical, logical undercurrent in both partners.
To the dynamic, the Achiever (3) brings a focus on image, polish and good communication skills. Achiever (3)s tend to be outwardly facing and have a high awareness of the impression they are making on others. This can be a point of learning for Investigator (5) who generally are less interested in appearances and who tend to prefer written, rather than interpersonal, communication skills. Achiever (3)s are also more spontaneous than the Investigator (5) counterpart. They model for their Investigator (5) how to wing it, go with the flow and work out unexpected issues in real time. This can be helpful and inspiring for the Investigator (5).
Investigator (5)s offer depth of insight, a focus on details and planning and a more methodical, rational approach to situations. They are interested in satisfying their curiosity more than in getting to a specific outcome. This allows them to be more flexible in their thinking and more thorough in their approach. This difference can be balancing for their Achiever (3) who in their drive to succeed may be tempted to cut corners or take a less comprehensive approach.
As a couple, they can be proud of and admire each other. They may feel they have found their perfect match – someone who can keep up with them intellectually, who gives them sufficient personal freedom, who supports their endeavors and who they can show off to the outside world. This can be a successful, enduring match.
Enneagram Type 3:5 The Downward Spiral
While this couple has many similarities, they also have some key differences that can trigger the downward spiral. Their lifestyle pace is different, with the Achiever (3) on the go like an energizer bunny and the Investigator (5) more like the tortoise with a slow but deliberate pace. Both are interested in being competent and successful in their chosen fields and in a fixated state with tightening defenses, there can be a competitive element in this relationship. And as both types tend to underemphasize the emotional world, important issues can go unaddressed.
In a fixated state, one or both partners may start to get frustrated with the other. The Achiever (3) may feel their Investigator (5)’s lifestyle pace is slow and threatening their ability to achieve their goals. They may mock their partner’s careful and deliberate planning for all various scenarios. Likewise, the Investigator (5) may start to lose respect for their Achiever (3), feeling they are overly concerned about image and achievement and all to willing to sacrifice depth for appearance. One danger this couple has is that their connection can be largely mental, professional and pragmatic. If they aren’t strongly connected at the heart, the lack of an emotional connection can create distance in the relationship that is hard to recover. As the downward spiral gains momentum, they may become harsh, hard-hearted and arrogant with each other. If this couple can’t find a way to get out of their heads and into their hearts, the relationship can drift apart or end abruptly.
Learn more about the Enneagram Compatibility of Type 3s in relationships with Type 5s
Enneagram knowledge can be transformative in improving your relationships and an important tool in cultivating compassion, both towards yourself and others. In my book, “The Nine Keys: A Guide Book to Unlock Your Relationships Using Kundalini Yoga and the Enneagram” I explore intimate relationships through the lens of the Enneagram.
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The Nine Keys is the essential encyclopedia of the Enneagram in relationships. This book contains Enneagram relationship theory for all 45 type combinations as well as personal testimonials all 81 relationship perspectives. Drawing on over 1,500 years of relationship experience from over 100 couples from around the world, the descriptions and testimonials are instructive, uplifting, cautionary, and sometimes scary and humorous – all real, all good. Browse the entire book here.
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- Read more: Investigator (5)s talking about their relationships with their Achiever (3) at page 150
- Read more: Achiever (3)s talking about their relationships with their Investigator (5) at page 227
- Read more: Kundalini Yoga kriyas and meditations for Achiever(3)s at page 454 and Investigator (5)s at 462