Helper (2) with Investigator (5)

2:5 When In Balance

The Helper (2) with the Investigator (5) is a classic example of opposites attracting, the social butterfly with the reserved wallflower. Their differences form not only the initial attraction but the longer-term bond between the two. Together, this couple balances each other.

 

Helper (2)s are socially adept with high emotional intelligence, charm, warmth and engaging, friendly behavior. They value personal relationships highly and seek deep connection with others. They are at home in the world of feelings, emotions and social connections. In contrast, Investigator (5) prefer to minimize their connection to others as they seek to preserve what they experience as very limited energy. They value self sufficiency, limited demands and personal freedom. They are at home in the world of logic, facts, information and reason. Blended, this couple creates a home that values both logic, facts, feelings and relationships.

 

The Helper (2) offers the Investigator (5) caring, nurturing, concern, attentiveness and an introduction to the soft skills in life: communication, emotional fluency and social graces. Investigator (5)s report their life becomes upgraded with the influence of their Helper (2). Their home is cleaner, they dress better, they eat better, they understand other people more and so forth. In return, the Investigator (5) offers a solid foundation to their Helper (2). Less clouded by emotion, the Investigator (5) brings clear analysis, rational thought and logic to the decision-making of the Helper (2). They help calm emotional storms and are a stable rock for the Helper (2) who can get drawn into interpersonal dramas.

 

Successful negotiation of time spent together and independently is key in this relationship. Investigator (5)s and Helper (2) set their personal priorities differently, and successful couples report giving each other a lot of personal freedom to pursue things that are important to them.

 

Together, this is a highly balancing couple who share a deep bond of affection, commitment and loyalty.

 

2:5 The Downward Spiral

A key difference between Investigator (5) and Helper (2) is their sensitivity to personal boundaries (including time alone) and the different way they express love and affection. Investigator (5)s feel stable and secure when they are isolated and left to their individual pursuits. Helper (2)s feel stable and secure with constant, consistent personal connection. Investigator (5)s express love indirectly, though loyalty, consistency, good listening and problem solving. Helper (2)s are more openly affectionate and verbally expressive. These differences are fundamental and can create conflicts when either partner is fixated.

 

The Helper (2) may get frustrated and feel rejected by the Investigator (5)’s desire for solitude and lack of emotional expression. This triggers the downward spiral, with the Helper (2) trying harder to connect with their Investigator (5) who now feels their stability threatened. The more the Helper (2) leans in, the more the Investigator (5) shrinks back. The Helper (2) may not understand how their interest is interpreted as intrusion the same way the Investigator (5) may not realize how their isolation is interpreted as rejection.

 

Or conversely, the Helper (2) may start to withhold care and nurturing as a passive aggressive way of expressing dissatisfaction over the lack of attention they feel from their Investigator (5). This may be confusing to the Investigator (5) who feels their desire for time alone is healthy and acceptable. They feel rejected without cause.

 

How far the downward cycle goes depends a lot on each person’s self-awareness and tolerance for discomfort. If there is awareness of the disconnect, it may be mended. If the fixation continues, both partners polarize, and the relationship may end.

 


 

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