2:6 When In Balance
The Helper (2) with the Loyalist (6) have foundational values of mutual support, dependability and deep caring. This is a kind, nurturing couple in which both partners know they can rely on each other. Stability, both at home, at work and in their community is important to them and something they actively cultivate. With this as the base, they have some balancing differences.
Helper (2)s seek positive human connections and are warm, generous and kind. Protective and observant of those they love, they offer their sometimes anxious and reactive Loyalist (6) sage advice and a more rational, objective perspective. Because of their high emotional intelligence, they can often understand the subtle undercurrents of a situation, and this is balancing for the Loyalist (6) who has more narrow, worst-case scenario thinking. They work hard to create a nurturing, loving, supportive environment, and this effort is noticed and appreciated by the Loyalist (6).
Loyalist (6)s are hardworking, diligent, reliable, responsible and committed. They have an eye for danger and work hard to make sure threats to the home and the relationship itself are minimized. Helper (2)s appreciate this is someone who they can depend on through thick and thin, and this helps relax the Helper (2)’s fear of abandonment. The Loyalist (6)s can be affectionate, playful, and humor may be an important element in this couple’s dynamic.
Together this can be a sweet, steady, straightforward pair. They respect each other’s values and share an easy enjoyment of each other’s company. This relationship grows and deepens over time. Dependability and commitment are at the core of this couple, and they can share an enduring, enjoyable partnership.
2:6 The Downward Spiral
The anxiety response of these partners can be the trigger for the downward spiral. With tightening defenses, Loyalist (6)s freeze or become erratic, and Helper (2)s lean in to help. This creates an environment of confusion, resentment and misunderstanding. In times of stress, Loyalist (6)s become highly anxious, worried, panicky, suspicious and confused. Their thinking becomes circular and clouded leaving them unable to make clear, firm decisions.
As the Loyalist (6) freezes, the Helper (2) pushes to assist. Under stress with tightening defenses, they may become overly involved and domineering without realizing it. The Loyalist (6), prone to suspicion and anxiety, doesn’t appreciate this behavior and the feeling they are being controlled. Resentment and confusion on both sides builds. The more the Helper (2) tries to get involved, the more the Loyalist (6) gets resentful. As the downward spiral gains momentum, there can be cycles of anxiety, anxious decision-making, resentment, apology, forgiveness and more anxiety.
The line between how much or how little the Helper (2) should get involved can be blurry and ever moving. Helper (2)s don’t always understand that their efforts aren’t appreciated, and with tightening defenses, Helper (2)s can become needy and demanding. The self-confidence of the Loyalist (6) can wax and wane with cycles of independence followed by neediness. The Loyalist (6)’s fears of being controlled are interwoven with the Helper (2)’s fears of rejection. Continuing downward, the Helper (2) can enter into a power struggle, threatening withdrawal if their partner doesn’t change. With each cycle, the Helper (2) tries to come closer, and the Loyalist (6) tries to pull further away. If left unchecked, the downward momentum continues to build with exhausting cycles of dependency and rejection. Without a mechanism to break the momentum, the relationship suffers and may split.
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