Enneagram Type 2 Helpers/Givers/Lovers are typically warm, concerned, nurturing and sensitive to the needs, preferences and desires of the people around them. Enneagram Type 9 is called the Peacemaker or the Meditator because of their focus on harmony and their mellow, go-with-the-flow attitude. Here we explore the compatibility of an Enneagram Type 2 with a Type 9 and what the relationship looks like when it is in balance and when it starts to spiral downward.
Enneagram Type 2:9 When In Balance
The Helper (2) with the Peacemaker (9) make a warm, loving, accepting and nurturing couple who enjoy each other’s company and create a supportive, healing space for others. Both are other-referencing and place a high value on harmony so this a relationship with little direct conflict. Both can be accommodating, low-key and compassionate, seeing the pain in others and wanting to help alleviate suffering. With these foundational similarities, there are also some balancing differences.
Helper (2)s are generally more social, engaging, decisive and extroverted. They bring energy and initiative to the dynamic, and they may drive the social calendar of the couple. Relationships are important to them, and they gain a lot of happiness from their interactions with other people. With this consistent drive to connect, they need less alone time than their Peacemaker (9).
The Peacemaker (9) offers steadiness, uncomplicated directness and a relaxed, easygoing attitude. They are adaptable and can be comfortable in a lot of different environments and situations. More low energy and less decisive than their Helper (2) partner, they take more time to putter, process their feelings and just generally relax.
Together, this can be an easygoing, sensitive, kind and altruistic pair. They support each other in a variety of ways ranging from affirmation, acts of service, physical presence and kind gestures. Both strive to be sensitive to the needs of the other and harmony and support are top priorities for both partners.
Enneagram Type 2:9 The Downward Spiral
This couple’s avoidant tendencies and confusion around personal boundaries can be the trigger for the downward spiral. With tightening defenses, both Helper (2)s and Peacemaker (9)s can avoid bringing up difficult subjects relating to the relationship and may instead make unspoken agreements to let difficult issues go unaddressed. This means important problems go unresolved, building walls of unhappiness and resentment setting the stage for the downward spiral.
Alternatively, weak boundary awareness can be an issue in this couple. Both types have a tendency to merge, and in the case of the Helper (2), this can manifest as a desire to get overly engaged in the issues of their Peacemaker (9) partner. The Helper (2) leans in to help as a way of expressing love and a subconscious strategy to gain appreciation. However, the Peacemaker (9) may resent these efforts, experiencing their Helper (2) as bossy and controlling. Both partners are triggered but their reaction moves in different directions. The Peacemaker (9) becomes more withdrawn and disengaged, and the Helper (2) gets more demanding and involved. Thus begins a repeating toxic loop of help and withdrawal.
As the defenses tighten, so does the intensity of the polarization. The Helper (2) seeks appreciation, and as this need goes unmet, their increase their efforts. The Peacemaker (9) numbs out and can feel internal confusion. Because both types avoid conflict, the relationship may continue but both types may fall into a depression or experience other physical manifestations of an unhappy relationship. Eventually one or both partners may decide to get their needs met elsewhere or end the relationship.
Learn more about the Enneagram Compatibility of Type 2s in relationships with Type 9s
Enneagram knowledge can be transformative in improving your relationships and an important tool in cultivating compassion, both towards yourself and others. In my book, “The Nine Keys: A Guide Book to Unlock Your Relationships Using Kundalini Yoga and the Enneagram” I explore intimate relationships through the lens of the Enneagram.
The Nine Keys
The Nine Keys is the essential encyclopedia of the Enneagram in relationships. This book contains Enneagram relationship theory for all 45 type combinations as well as personal testimonials all 81 relationship perspectives. Drawing on over 1,500 years of relationship experience from over 100 couples from around the world, the descriptions and testimonials are instructive, uplifting, cautionary, and sometimes scary and humorous – all real, all good. Browse the entire book here.
“This book has been so incredibly helpful. Not only has it given me a better understanding of the dynamics in my romantic relationships (both failed and successful!), but has given me insight into my familial and platonic relationships, as well.”
– EVK