Enneagram Type 4 is called the Individualist, the Artist, and the Romantic because of their focus on individuality, authenticity, and full expression of their emotions. Here we explore the compatibility of an Enneagram Type 4 with a Type 4 and what the relationship looks like when it is in balance and when it starts to spiral downward.
Enneagram Type 4:4 When In Balance
Emotional intensity is one of the hallmark traits with a double Individualist (4) pairing. Both partners are highly fluent in the language of emotion and deeply connected to the world of feelings. Authenticity is a key value, and this couple will seek to keep it real. Individualist (4)s have a certain fearlessness about the darker side of the emotional world and can share deep, dark personal experience with each other with relative ease. Both have an intense need to be understood and to be seen as a unique individual. They create a safe space for one another to explore their emotional world.
Both partners are highly accepting of each other. Flaws, quirks and imperfections are welcomed, not shunned. Both seek intense emotional connection and a partner who accepts them and sees them clearly. When they experience this with each other, the feeling is almost unmatchable. It is as if they have found their soulmate.
Enneagram Type 4:4 The Downward Spiral
Lack of emotional balance usually triggers the beginning of the downward spiral in this couple. Individualist (4)s can be self-absorbed and intolerant of each other. When one feels misunderstood by the other, it can trigger deep emotional wounds. Misunderstandings can quickly escalate into long, drawn-out arguments over who hurt who the most, and fights can spiral out of control, taking priority over practical matters.
With tightening defenses, Individualist (4)s often withdraw to heal, process their emotions or for attention. This can be challenging for their partner and may trigger abandonment issues. Trust issues can also be a theme in this relationship with one Individualist (4) testing the other. This can include tests of loyalty, commitment, transparency and so forth.
As both partners start to polarize, this same emotional intensity that was the foundation of their connection becomes the foundation for their split. They may start to feel they hate the other or vacillate between love and hate, creating a push-pull dynamic. Eventually one or both partners becomes exhausted and decides they want something else, ending the relationship.
Learn more about the Enneagram Compatibility of Type 4s in relationships with Type 4s
Enneagram knowledge can be transformative in improving your relationships and an important tool in cultivating compassion, both towards yourself and others. In my book, “The Nine Keys: A Guide Book to Unlock Your Relationships Using Kundalini Yoga and the Enneagram” I explore intimate relationships through the lens of the Enneagram.
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The Nine Keys is the essential encyclopedia of the Enneagram in relationships. This book contains Enneagram relationship theory for all 45 type combinations as well as personal testimonials all 81 relationship perspectives. Drawing on over 1,500 years of relationship experience from over 100 couples from around the world, the descriptions and testimonials are instructive, uplifting, cautionary, and sometimes scary and humorous – all real, all good. Browse the entire book here.
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- Read more: Individualist (4)s talking about their relationships with their Individualist (4) at page 187
- Read more: Kundalini Yoga kriyas and meditations for Individualist (4)s at page 454