8:9 When In Balance
This pairing can be extremely balancing, inspiring and healing for one another. The Leader (8) shows the Peacemaker (9) how to behave with confidence and assertion, and the Peacemaker (9) shows the Leader (8) how to behave with acceptance, accommodation and receptivity to create a soothing, harmonious environment. Together, this pair can have a very supportive, satisfying and fulfilling relationship.
Leader (8)s bring directness, leadership, decisiveness and a bold “take charge” mentality to the dynamic. They can be brash, fierce and confident with big energy and a powerful life force. The more easygoing Peacemaker (9)s admire and are fascinated by these traits, finding the Leader (8) magnetic, attractive and alluring. They appreciate the Leader (8)’s spirit and vitality and can be energized by their Leader (8)’s presence. The Peacemaker (9) enjoys having someone to look up to, and the Leader (8) enjoys the admiration.
Peacemaker (9)s bring calm, stability, acceptance and a soothing, healing manner to the dynamic. They accept and appreciate the Leader (8) which gives the Leader (8) even more strength and encouragement to tackle life’s challenges. Their peaceful, quiet energy balances the brashness of the Leader (8), and they offer a secure home, a safe harbor, a tranquil sanctuary for the Leader (8) to retreat to after life’s daily battles.
When these two types are aligned in their goals and appreciative of their differences, they can be a dynamic, effective pair: a powerful mast and a durable sail.
8:9 The Downward Spiral
Under stress with tightening defenses, this couple polarizes. The Leader (8) seeks resolution of issues by adopting a strategy of direct confrontation. The Peacemaker (9) heads in the other direction, adopting an avoidant strategy of stonewalling and shutting down. These opposite strategies prompt a more intense reaction in the other, and the downward spiral is triggered.
The Leader (8)s almost can’t relax until they understand where they stand so it can be hard to de-escalate a conflict with a Peacemaker (9) in retreat. As the Leader (8) becomes more direct and more aggressive, the Peacemaker (9) shuts down, stonewalls and numbs out even more to avoid conflict. The Leader (8) may interpret this withdrawal as rejection, triggering more anger and more intensity. The downward spiral gains momentum as the Leader (8)’s aggression prompts more withdrawal from the Peacemaker (9). The environment can get heated with verbal aggression, anger and threats.
From the Peacemaker (9)’s perspective, the Leader (8) has become too controlling, harsh and domineering. What before felt like leadership now feels like dictatorship. The depth and power of a Peacemaker (9)’s stubbornness are often miscalculated, and conflicts can continue in a simmering state with no path to resolution on the horizon. Eventually the Leader (8) may turn away in disgust, but at this point contempt has entered the picture, and the stability of the relationship is threatened.