The Enneagram in Relationships–What Types Go Well Together

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Type Compatibility: The Theory

After people learn their own Enneagram type, the next question I invariably get asked is “what types go well together?” or “who should I be with?” Everyone wants to know.

The answer is that all type combinations can be happy together if both partners have high levels of self awareness. And the reverse is true. All combinations may struggle if both people have a lack of self awareness. Type compatibility is more about similar levels self awareness than it is about personality type. The basic guidelines are:

  • Two highly self aware people have the best chance of success.
  • Two highly unaware people may be able to continue in a relationship but it is usually characterized with relationship problems. Their chance of real success is low.
  • If one person is highly self aware and the other isn’t, at some point the relationship usually just stops making sense. The two people will not understand each other enough to continue.

That said, there are couplings that seem to happen more frequently.

Type Compatibility: The Most Common Couples

Based on a study with 457 couples, below are the most common combinations. This doesn’t mean these are the most successful combinations, it just means they happened in this study with the most frequency.

Most Common Match If The:


Woman is Type 1 (Perfectionist) Man is Type 9 (Peacemaker)
Woman is Type 2 (Helper) Man is Type 8 (Leader)
Woman is Type 3 (Achiever) Man is Type 1 (Perfectionist)
Woman is Type 4 (Artist) Man is Type 9 (Peacemaker)
Woman is Type 5 (Thinker) Man is Type 1 (Perfectionist)
Woman is Type 6 (Loyalist) Man is Type 8 (Leader) or Type 9 (Peacemaker)
Woman is Type 7 (Enthusiast) Man is Type 5 (Thinker) or Type 1 (Perfectionist)
Woman is Type 8 (Leader) Man is Type 9 (Peacemaker)
Woman is Type 9 (Peacemaker) Man is Type 6 (Loyalist)


Most Common Match If The:


Man is Type 1 (Perfectionist) Woman is Type 2 (Helper)
Man is Type 2 (Helper) Woman is Type 4 (Artist)
Man is Type 3 (Achiever) Woman is Type 9 (Peacemaker)
Man is Type 4 (Artist) Woman is Type 2 (Helper)
Man is Type 5 (Thinker) Woman is Type 1 (Perfectionist)
Man is Type 6 (Loyalist) Woman is Type 2 (Helper)
Man is Type 7 (Enthusiast) Woman is Type 1 (Perfectionist)
Man is Type 8 (Leader) Woman is Type 2 (Helper)
Man is Type 9 (Peacemaker) Woman is Type 4 (Artist)

From this same study we learned:

  • Men and women choose their partners differently.

We shouldn’t say Type 2 (Helpers) and Type 8 (Leaders) often go together. We should say female Type 2 (Helpers) are often found with male Type 8 (Leaders).   Gender makes a difference when it comes to the frequency of the combinations. For example:

  • Male Type 9 (Peacemakers) are often found with female Type 4 (Artists) (16 couples in this study). However male Type 4 (Artists) with female Type 9 (Peacemakers) are extremely rare (2 couples).
  • Female Type 8 (Leaders) were often found with male Type 9 (Peacemakers). However male Type 8 (Leaders) were more often found with female Type 2 (Helpers) and female Type 6 (Loyalists).
  • Birds of a feather do not flock together! At least not in Enneagram terms as it relates to love…

Same Enneagram personality type marriages occurred two times less often than statistically expected. The one exception to this was double Type Four couples. These occurred more often that the statistical norm.

Type Compatibility: The Strengths and the Weaknesses of the Various Combinations

Probably one of the most useful elements of the Enneagram is helping relationships run more smoothly. This link outlines the strengths and potential weaknesses of each type combination.

Learn how a Kundalini Yoga practice can help you relax your habit of attention and improve your relationships in my first book “Headstart for Happiness: A Guide Book Using Kundalini Yoga and the Enneagram.”

This has been updated as of March 6th, 2018. The relationship survey is still in progress!

If you liked this post, please help me write more!  I am actively seeking the following type combinations to take my relationship survey.  These can be past or current relationships, and relationship duration is open (so far my data ranges from 3 month relationships to 57 year relationships).

Below are the types I’m seeking:

  • Helper/Type 2 with Helper/Type 2 (Type 2 will take the survey)
  • Achiever/Type 3 with Peacemaker/Type 9 (Type 9 will take the survey)
  • Artist/Type 4 with Leader/Type 8 (Type 8 will take the survey)
  • Enthusiast/Type 7 with Loyalist/Type 6 (Type 6 will take the survey)


  • Helper/Type 2 with Loyalist/Type 6 (Type 6 will take the survey)**
  • Achiever/Type 3 with Loyalist/Type 6  (Achiever/Type 3 will take the survey)**
  • Peacemaker/Type 9 with Leader/Type 8 (Type 8 will take the survey)**
  • Enthusiast/Type 7 with Peacemaker/Type 9 (Type 9 will take the survey)**

**I’m seeking supplemental data for existing feedback.

If you would like to participate or know anyone who does, please email me at  Thank you!

Want to learn more?




Kundalini Yoga’s Role in the Health of Your Spine

yoga posesw“The flexible spine holds your entire nervous system.”

~Yogi Bhajan

80-90% of the population suffers from spinal pain at some point in their life, and if you have ever had back pain, you know how debilitating it can be.

While running or going to the gym can be a great workout for your body, these forms of exercise don’t focus on the health of your spine.  This is where Kundalini Yoga comes in.  With gentle, simple, repetitive movements, Kundalini Yoga focuses on getting the energy moving in your spine.

But what is the spine?

  • The spine is made up of a series of bones stacked on top of each other that houses and protects the spinal cord.
  • The spinal cord is a column of nerve fibers that branch off into the rest of the body responsible for sending and receiving messages from the brain. It is through the spinal cord and its branching nerves that the brain influences the rest of the body, controlling movement and organ function.

In simpler terms, think of your nerve fibers like cables running from your computer. What happens if one of the cables is destroyed or unplugged? It affects the whole system…

So what do we do about it? The key to maintaining a healthy spine is flexibility.

We know the dangers of not being flexible include:

  • stiffness
  • poor posture
  • back pain
  • movement limitations
  • risk for injury to muscles, tendons, and ligaments
  • many other health complications.

Kundalini Yoga incorporates exercises to keep the spine flexible, to help maintain a healthy back, and to maintain youth.  Try this Basic Spinal Energy Series to get started!

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