When I was 23 years old, I moved from Los Angeles, California to Boston, Massachusetts to be part a new East Coast office for the CPA firm I was working for at the time. Shortly after arriving, I started dating an attractive Boston chef. He was charming, affectionate and attentive and since we met as housemates, we were always together. And then, about 7 months into our relationship, I learned he was stealing money from me. He would forge checks from my checkbook and then steal my bank statements so I wouldn’t understand what was happening.
On the day it all came to light, it was a huge shock that left me blindsided and emotionally confused. I was angry with him especially as I learned he had stolen money from me to pay for our Florida vacation and the Dalmatian puppy he gave me as a gift. I was angry at myself – how could I have missed all the warning signs? But above all, I was confused. I didn’t understand why he would steal money from me – who he said he loved – to buy things we didn’t need.
Around this same time, I stumbled across the Enneagram, a system of psychology that helps explain why people act the way they do. I randomly bought an Enneagram book in a bookstore. I had never heard of the system, but I liked the book cover. Little did I know that random purchase would become so useful.
Like most people, I started the book most interested in learning my own type. But as I sunk deeper into the material, I started seeing other people in my life too. And eventually I found what I thought was a match for the lying chef. Through reading the personality profiles, the motivations, the personality blind spots and all the levels of development, I finally was able to piece together what had happened – why he had stolen from me and how I had missed it.
I’m an Enthusiast (7), wired to see the positive so it was easy for me to miss warning signs. My mind wasn’t looking for them and didn’t want to see them anyway. Why were his rent checks bouncing? Why was he changing jobs a lot? Why was there always confusion around money? None of this ever bothered me. There were weekend getaways, delicious dinners, puppies and holidays. I was happy. No questions asked.
And I understood he was an extremely unhealthy Achiever (3). His image was everything – even more important than honesty. In his mind, the top priority was to create the image of the perfect boyfriend. And if that meant he had to steal money from me to maintain that image, that was the price.
I won’t say I healed quickly from the whole experience, but I did heal, and I credit a lot of that to the Enneagram. It helped me to understand what was otherwise baffling behavior. And it helped me move on without a lot of scarring because I understood very clearly what had happened, both my own behavior and the chef’s behavior.
I wrote this book to share what I’ve learned about the Enneagram and to introduce an equally powerful system, the technology of Kundalini Yoga. Together, these two systems offer a roadmap to understanding and a path to healing.
My hope is that this book is of benefit to everyone who reads it.
The Nine Keys is due out in June, but I still need a few relationship surveys! If you are or were in a relationship with any of these type combinations, please message me at firstname.lastname@example.org. I have over 100 surveys already–these are the final ones I’m looking for!
- Helper/Type 2 with Helper/Type 2 (Type 2 will take the survey)
- Achiever/Type 3 with Peacemaker/Type 9 (Type 9 will take the survey)
- Artist/Type 4 with Perfectionist/Type 1 (Type 1 will take the survey)
- Enthusiast/Type 7 with Loyalist/Type 6 (Type 6 will take the survey)
- Helper/Type 2 with Loyalist/Type 6 (Type 6 will take the survey)
- Achiever/Type 3 with Loyalist/Type 6 (Achiever/Type 3 will take the survey)
- Peacemaker/Type 9 with Leader/Type 8 (Type 8 will take the survey)
- Enthusiast/Type 7 with Peacemaker/Type 9 (Type 9 will take the survey)